NEETS, Normies, and True Independence

Welcome To The NHK is about a socially awkward suicidal loser college dropout (Satou) who doesn't have a job, lives alone in his apartment, and is entirely financially supported his parents. He's both a NEET, and a Hikikomori. He doesn't really have any friends. The last real friends he's ever had were 4 years ago in high school. He feels entirely alone, useless, helpless, and suicidal.

There is a very depressing vibe that the show gives off.

There is this common idea in life that if you try to live a so-called Normie life then that will somehow fix all your emotional problems: get a job, get some friends, get hobbies, and get into a relationship. Then you'll finally be happy...Right?

The ultimate irony that the show tries to teach us is that it doesn't matter whether you're a Hikikomori, a NEET, a Normie, a "Success" or whatever the hell. You can still feel like a loser, like a complete fuckup, depressed, useless, meaningless, hopeless, worthless, suicidal - you can still want to kill yourself. It doesn't matter what label society gives you, or you give yourself.

This isn't a story about not being a NEET, it's not a story about getting a job or making friends, or even fitting in.

And this is the reason why I love this anime: it isn't some bullshit escapist fantasy!!!

All the characters are deeply broken and screwed up! They all make horrible decisions. It's real! It's heartbreaking! It's awkward! It's depressing! It's frustrating! It's painful! ... Just like real life!

There are a lot of people on the internet that feel hopeless, stuck, lost and confused. They're living with their parents, they don't have a job, they feel like the system has failed them and cheated them.

So how does a 22 year old loser Hiki/NEET get his life back on track? How do you go from a loser victim mentality to living a healthy independent emotionally fulfilling life?

Hikikomori

*Various Mental Disorders/Factors that lead to the Hikikomori condition.

Hikikomori: People who stay inside all day. They are almost always online, they never go outside, and they try avoid almost all forms of social interaction.

NEET: People who are not studying, working, or in any training. They don't have any income flowing at all and are not financially independent. They rely on others for everything.

A NEET tends to be a Hikikomori, and a Hikikomori tends to be a NEET. Rarely are they separate, they usually go hand-in-hand. However, not all Hikikomoris are NEETS and not all NEETS are Hikikomoris.

For Recovery:

Independence > Dependence

What the show really represents is in order to be truly happy, in order to be truly fulfilled, you need to be happy with who you are regardless of the situation you are in. Nobody is going to save you. This is a story about true independence: that even though you have made a bunch of fuckups along the way, even if everyone thinks you are a weirdo or garbage or worthless or useless, or even if you think that yourself, you can still decide to be happy despite all of it. You can still decide to be fulfilled. To let go of everything and continue to pursue things you truly desire.

If you're able to build an independent life then you'll be happy with yourself no matter what. You will be emotionally fulfilled from the effort YOU put into yourself - NOT from the effort others put into you.

For instance, Financial Independence is making money for YOURSELF and not being reliant on your parents for money, food, clothing, and shelter. Part of growing up is learning how do achieve that financial independence for yourself without the help of others. Satou doesn't get a job because he wants one, he gets a job because if he doesn't, he won't survive. He is forced to be financially independent just like everyone else is in this society. But from that financial independence you'll achieve more self-worth and internal validation because you are not so dependent on someone else.

Now you're getting closer to emotional independence which is not being reliant on other people for your self-worth. This is a bit harder to achieve, but with the right Hobbies, Projects, and Skills it's easier to obtain. Building a life you love regardless of the perception's of others is essential for achieving emotional independence and if you achieve emotional independence then you'll achieve true confidence.

Also don't mistake independence for Narcissism. While it is true you need to be more invested in yourself, it doesn't mean you stop caring about or helping others. It just means you're less invested in them. If you use your own investment to make society and people better than are you truly narcissistic?

But, with all that being said, you may realize there is a challenge in building a healthy independent lifestyle for yourself. So how can you make it easier?

Be Honest With Yourself and Others

"You really think you can understand me? I don't even understand myself ok" - Satou

If you don't understand yourself then it's really hard to be honest with yourself. There are a lot of people in life they don't really know their self. I'm not saying anyone truly does, but some people are just floating. They don't know what they want or desire, and they don't create an identity or persona for their ego. Here is what they do know though: they don't like their current lifestyle, but they don't know how to change.

"Another day is coming to an end. Another day devoid of anything interesting. How long am I going to continue living like this? Can you even call this living?" - Satou

So how do you know what internally fulfills you?

Just start by doing things. Do Literally Anything. Become obsessed with something. Let it kill your heart. It's really the only way to escape the void. Just start doing this.

Whether that be Hobbies, Projects, Skills - it doesn't matter as long as you're doing something.

Now when you do things: do you get fulfillment from doing the thing or having others perceive you doing the thing?

This is very important. You want to be genuinely fulfilled from just doing the hobby/project/skill by itself. Once you start adding other bullshit like social media and such, as soon as you start adding external validation, you start losing your genuine fulfillment, and it gets harder to know if you truly actually love/enjoy it.

The more you throw yourself into things the more HONEST you'll have to be with yourself and thus as a consequence you'll have to be even more VULNERABLE. You'll have to admit to yourself that you suck at things, but that doesn't define you. As long as you keep pushing to be better no matter what then it doesn't matter. This builds long term internal validation.

"I admit that I am a failure but as long as I pour my heart into making this game then I feel like I could become a better man." - Satou

"Even if I seclude myself in my room as long as I am striving to accomplish something I am not a hikikomri." - Satou

Satou and his friend Yamazaki decide they want to create a video game and become rich off it. But video games are really hard to create, so they decide to create a Gal game. A Gal game is basically a hentai game for Otaku degenerates. It's like AI girlfriends that will basically do anything you want them to and will fall in love with you no matter what. They have no ulterior motives, and they are just kind and sweet to you.

Anyway, it's much easier to create Gal games because all you to do is design a 1 dimensional character. Just get some copyright free art styles, music, really crappy dialogue and bam! If it wasn't that hard in 2006 then imagine how easy it is today. Just get AI to generate everything for you. Anyway I'm getting off-topic - the point wasn't to create an actual good game. The point was to become rich, so they didn't have to work some bullshit job for the rest of their life. This will get them out of the rut and make them loads of money which could maybe allow them to actually fund and design video games that are actually good. There is an External Validation trap in this, but if you watch the whole show you'll realize that it didn't matter whether the game sold well or whether people liked it or not. It internally fulfilled them, and they were just happy to just do it. The fact that they created the game anyway was the accomplishment in of it itself.

"The truth is, I don't really care if the game sells well or not. I just want to leave something behind. Proof that I lived in Tokyo." - Yamazaki

One of my favorite shows about all of this is The Tatami Galaxy. It's about a third year university student who fails over and over and over again. He fails at forming friendships. He fails at forming relationships. He fails at being good at anything and standing out. But despite failing at all these things he still has some friends. Instead of trying to become something he's not, the main message really is to be content with who you're and just grow those friendships and hobbies you already have organically. Instead of doing hobbies to get other people to like you in order to achieve all this bullshit social status, do it because you genuinely like it. Don't try to be someone you're not.

But with all that being said, it would also be kind of cool if their game did become successful. This was all the way back in 2006. If their game was truly great then they should've uploaded a trial demo version online. If they were a bit smarter, and marketed a little better, but ah I'm getting ahead of myself.

Here's the thing, there is a common problem that people run into even if they know deep down that internal validation is what will actually fulfill them: the inability to make their self vulnerable.

"Because I'm afraid. I don't know what will happen to my life after it changes. If I change my life something unexpected might happen. It might change into something I can't control." - Hiki

People are terrified of being vulnerable. Why? Because being vulnerable opens yourself up to criticism and opening yourself up to criticism can be very painful. It's risky. You risk people hating you, not liking you. You risk making people extremely uncomfortable. But you can't win on two fronts: you can't be in a lifestyle you want without polarizing people.

"I keep thinking that someday that something will all work. That something amazing will happen and make it all better." - Hiki

That is a trap that a lot of people find themselves in: that it will all somehow get better without any effort on their part. That is a fantasy that is never going to happen. You have to make yourself vulnerable, you have to risk offending people, and you have to put yourself out there. Why? Because making yourself more vulnerable will lead you to being more honest with yourself and others, which will allow you to take responsibility for your own faults thus leading you to building a life you actually want.

Take Responsiblity For Yourself Instead of Blaming Society

"Conspiracy?" - Satou

"The world is full of conspiracies y'know?" - Hitomi

"99% of these so called conspiracies are just products of people's imaginations - either that or outright lies. You can't really believe that stuff" - Satou

"Well then what if I believe in the 1% that are true?" - Hitomi

Conspiracies are frequently brought up a lot in the show. It's all a conspiracy!!! Conspiracies are often used to blame other organizations/people for the lack of fulfillment people feel in their lives. They are meant to stop you from getting the life you want. Satou blames the NHK for all his emotional problems in life. The NHK stands for the Hikikomori association for keeping you a NEET. Now the actual real NHK is actually some Japanese broadcasting station, but besides the point.

"Even back then I would make all these stupid excuses and blame things on other people." - Satou

What are some common things people blame for their lack of fulfillment in life?

Jobs/Work? Relationships? Technology (Social Media)? Government? Corporation? Institutions?

I can tell you one of mine. Social Media. I put all the blame on it. Yeah society sucks. People suck. Institutions suck. Corporations suck. There are millions of blog essays and videos and what not just telling everyone how much it all sucks. But you know what? Things don't get better just from knowing it sucks. We have to take responsibility for it. It's not until we take responsibility to try to truly make things better for ourselves and other people until we start growing as a person.

Corporations do have incentives to turn us into a mindless consumers dependent on them for validation and self-worth. But we can do something about that. Blaming corporations and organizations is the easy way out. We can build a life without these organizations controlling or defining us. It is possible. We do that by building a more independent lifestyle. We will feel even better if we help others along the way.

In high school you can afford to be lost and not really know who you are and/or what you want. You can afford to be dependent on people. You can afford to create fake artificial relationships. But in university you are basically forced to be independent and take long term risks that will impact you for the rest of your life. Some people can't handle that and drop out.

"Back then I thought college was just like high school. You go for 4 years, you don't ask any questions then you get out and its all over." - Satou

The whole point of college is trying to get a job to achieve financial independence. It's basically preparing you for the real world where you have to be able to do basic stuff on your own.

It's not until Sato's income gets cut off from his parents, when he is starving and crying that he finally decides to get a job. He doesn't become financially independent until he is forced to, but now he can finally take responsibility for himself and his own actions.

"I don't need you to tell me what to do. I know what I need to to. I'm not stupid. I need to get out there right now and find a job" - Satou

Build a Healthy lifestyle

So once you're able to be honest and take responsibility for yourself you'll now have a much easier time at building a healthy lifestyle you want. To build it, you have to figure out things that deeply internally fulfill you in a healthy way regardless of others and build your lifestyle around that. That goes for all your Hobbies, your Projects, and your Skills. This is a game of Trial and Error, but both need to be healthy and deeply fulfilling for you to be truly satisfied.

"You need to eat lots of tuna because it has a high DHA content. It stimulates brain activity you know." - Misaki

So I think I wrote a Blog Post about living a healthy independent lifestyle, but eh, this something that we all to figure out on our own. Everything works different for everybody. That being said there are some constants:

  • Nutrition
  • Exercise
  • Meditation
  • Good Quality Sleep
  • Drink Lots of Water
  • Go Outside in Nature Every Now And Then
  • Having A Couple Independent Hobbies/Projects/Skills That You Actually Like To Do
  • IRL Friends/Relationships That Are Healthy

Finding things that deeply internally fulfill you will make you less needy around others which will in turn allow you to express yourself more honestly which will allow you to build healthier more genuine fulfilling friendships/relationships.

Healthy Relationships are hard to build/maintain

"The lonely boy sitting in the club room. I remember you were always telling me about your friends. But I never saw them visit. And you were always sitting alone." - Hitomi

During high school Sato struggled at forming friendships and relationships. I can relate to Satou in not really having anyone to just talk to or relate to. For me The NHK was social media. I put all the blame on social media for all my social failures. It was really easy. Friendships and Friend groups are now formed online, so it must be social media's fault. No, it couldn't possibly be my fault that I didn't put myself out there. It wasn't my fault that I wasn't more honest and vulnerable with more people. No because everyone was online and the only way you could put yourself out there was online. The only way to be valued or liked was to be online! Sigh. I remember kids from high school even now in university would look at me like I'm some weirdo social outcast for not having social media. This all happened during one of the worst socially isolating periods of my life: covid. I remember going on social media and getting gas lighted by certain people and I thought to myself: what kind of sick screwed up society is this? I got really cynical about it and I couldn't believe anybody didn't see any problems with it. Or maybe people did they were just too insecure to admit it? Or maybe they just lacked self-awareness? Whatever the case it became a mess between trying to actually improve my social life but then having the entire foundation of that be on manipulative spyware social networks. I felt trapped.

"I don't want to see anyone. I don't even want to answer my cellphone. I don't want to do anything. I don't even want to live. But dying is a pain in the ass too. I wish I could just disappear." - Satou

As you get older you kind of start understanding why things are the way they are. Unfortunately it's actually very difficult to form strong healthy organic social bounds that don't feel fake, forced, or artificial. Non-needy, Strong, Independent People who aren't going to manipulate you or use you can be tough to find. It's hard to form real organic relationships or friendships. Social Media and Dating Apps are terrible substitutes for these larger social problems.

"It's amazing how convient things are these days. All you have to do is go to a convience store and you can get food, drinks, cosmetics, cellphones, almost anything you want...Except relationships because they don't sell relationships." - Hitomi

I remember reading a blog about socializing and self improvement that had this infograph:

You have all the people in the world.

Then you have people who you know, who know you, but there isn't anything else. I mean you both don't hate each other but there's like nothing there.

Then you have people where there is something there. It might not be that much, but there is something there and maybe you get a little at it.

Then you have people who you really click with. It's very small percentage but it's people who really understand you. They are very tough to find, but when you do find them it's like you've known them for your entire life. You could have hours and hours of conversations and never get bored with them.

And then finally you have people who think they understand you, but they don't. They often assume you are horrible or doing something horrible. I try to stay away from these people.

High school. University. Work. Couple of other social places and maybe some online places if you're lucky.

Another thing with all of this is as you grow you change, relationships change, people's values change, and so on. So you might've clicked with someone very well, but years go by, and you don't click them so well anymore. Or maybe the opposite happens, someone you didn't really click with, years will go by, and you click with them very well. Nothing is stable and nothing lasts forever. However, that being said....

Avoid Toxic Relationships and Manipulative People

"Video games are better. People IRL as fd up. They are always spreading nonsense about love and friendship, but the truth is if it came down to it they would stab you in the back without a second thought." - Satou

If you don't do first steps correctly: if you are not independent and you do not grow that self-confidence, self-worth, and respect then you will be much more likely to see yourself as the victim. And thus you will be much more likely to be around people who frankly treat you like garbage. You will not set boundaries and you will be easily controlled and manipulated.

"As soon as you stop giving it food it will forget all about you and find someone else to be friends with." - Satou

"I don't see anything wrong with a relationship like that" - Misaki

Misaki represents the typical savior. The idea that someone going to "save" you from the void. She is going to turn everything around in your life around and take care of you forever. And yet, she doesn't really save Satou, Satou saves himself. In fact, she really becomes the main conflict later in the show.

"Misaki was going to save me from being as Hikikomori! No they seduce you with sweet talk and promises, but before you know it you're a prisoner of their love and that's when they smash your little fantasy to pieces." - Satou's Schizophrenia

While reading online comments for this show I saw a lot of guys online saying they wished they had Misaki in their life. They wished they had someone just like her taking care of them and loving them forever... Uh, no you don't. You do not want a manipulative needy girl who just wants to be around you, so she can feel better about herself.

"Just stop seeing her. If you don't see her then you won't fall in love. If you don't fall in love then you won't get hurt." - Satou's Schizophernia

I love the hedgehog dilemma! Getting too close to someone makes it more painful when it falls apart. Things fall apart more easily when we don't have our lifestyle together. The basic idea is this: if we get too externally validated and invested in other people then we really can't build genuine fulfilling lives for ourselves. The key is to invest in things that internally fulfill regardless of external validation. Even though this has been stated over and over again, many people fall into the trap of thinking external investment will somehow lead to long term fulfillment. Misaki represents this trap.

Satou might be an Otaku Hiki NEET degenerate, but he isn't in idiot. Despite gaining feelings for her initially he doesn't want to be dependent on her. He doesn't want to fall in love and get hurt. The reason why is that he believes that she is manipulative. He believes that she wants him to fall in love with her just so she can just manipulate and control him. He doesn't want her to "fix" him. So he closes himself off. He tries leaving her and ghosting her. However, she is wise to this and makes him sign a contract where he is basically forced to see her everyday. It's a very toxic relationship. Eventually though he gets a job, and he becomes fully independent, and is no longer dependent on her anymore. When she realizes this she tries to force like a marriage like contract that will force him to be dependent on her. He disagrees and she tries to kill herself.

"Are you lonely?" - Misaki

"No I am not" - Satou

"I can't take this. I am falling apart. I don't want to be lonely!" - Misaki (sobbing)

"Leave me alone I am not lonely alright!" - Satou (sobbing)

"I don't believe you!" - Misaki (sobbing)

Even though the main conflict starts with Satou, it's all really about Misaki. Satou realizes that she needs to be helped but not necessarily by him. It's not enough to be externally validated. Again this is the "true love" trope so many people fall into only to later end up completely unsatisfied and unhappy. Relationships can be very fulfilling, but they are a lot of work and being entirely dependent on that fulfillment is not healthy. Having others things in your life that you're in love with whether that be a project, hobby, or a skill can actually be just as emotionally fulfilling as a relationship itself.

You can still feel worthless even if you have a job, friends, hobbies, and relationships

"When you look at the universe like that don't you start to think that our lives are meaningless? Our time on this earth is so short. We fade away in 1/10000 of the time it takes that light to reach us." - Hitomi

We're going to connect back to this idea we talked about in the beginning about living a lifestyle you want vs what other people want. The truth is you can still have a job, hobbies, friends, and relationships, but if you don't really love them then you'll still want to kill yourself. This is why being honest with yourself is the most crucial step. If you're not able to do that then everything else will fall apart. It's funny because our society hammers us over and over again that we NEED to have certain things to be happy, but again if you don't really love them then it won't matter. This whole attitude of "if I just get this then I will be happy" is such a toxic mindset. Many people will often put on a mask to show they have all these things, not because they're actually truly happy but because they want to show you that they're happy. It's an external validation trap. Other people's perceptions fulfills them more than their own true perception. This is not true confidence, this is false confidence.

"Drama has a progressive plot, an emotional climax, and a resolution. But our lives aren't like that. All we get day after day are a bunch of vague anxieties that are never really resolved" - Yamazaki

So even if you have jobs, relationships, friends, hobbies, - it doesn't matter if you don't like them. Yes, poor people kill themselves, but rich celebrities also kill themselves. Top earning six figure engineers kill themselves. Not to mention all the millions of people on pharmaceutical drugs, divorces, broken families, shootings, stabbings, and killings. You would think that people with lots of healthy relationships, hobbies, and money would be fulfilled, but it's not true!

And even if you do manage to build certain things in your life that you love, it's important to understand in life that things aren't so fixed. Things that might've started out as healthy for your lifestyle may no longer be. It's ok to change jobs, friends, relationships, hobbies, skills, and projects...

Hard Work doesn't necessarily make your life better

"I don't want to be the one who gets tricked by other people anymore!!! Even after that hard work I hardly got paid - the owner took the money and ran!!! In the end I was left with nothing to show for all the hard work I had done!!!" - Meguimi

Hard work will not make your life better. It's true that working hard is universally necessary for creating the life you want to create, but it's not everything. A lot of people work hard to just make it into this shitty system or to earn "respect" from people or whatever the hell. You don't need to earn "respect" or "prove" anything to anyone besides yourself. But even with all that we are still forced to work hard to make it to the next level in our society. From High School to University to crappy jobs. It never ends. Unless the hard work can actually grow into something you love to do... Unless you can become fully self-employed, achieve financial freedom, and live for yourself. There is a way out of this dystopia... A way out of the corporate hell-hole. It is possible it's just really hard to get there. One of the biggest regrets people have on their deathbed is they wish they had not worked so hard. It probably comes from having a lifestyle they didn't like. Some people got truly screwed by the system and it doesn't matter what they do. Other people just didn't take advantage of the opportunities they had and got screwed later on. No matter who you are even though life is tremendously sad and heartbreaking there are little things that we can do in our lives that will make it substantially better. If you have the opportunity and ability to build in healthy fulfilling habits then they will go a long way. That's the problem though, new habits usually are very difficult to implement, but once they are truly engrained in your lifestyle they are easier to maintain. Figuring out how it can work in your life is just as important as the consistency and effort you put in. In other words, hard work doesn't make your life better if it doesn't either emotionally fulfill you or somehow improve your life trajectory long term.

"Working full time is tough y'know. Studying for entrance exams is tough y'know" - Hitimi

People will judge you no matter what you do

There are two main reasons why people work really hard:

  1. They want to be genuinely respected and valued by themselves.
  2. They want to be respected and valued by society.

I mean these things aren't so black and white. It's usually a combination of both. But many people fall into the second trap. They work so hard because they think nobody will like them if they do not. If they can't get their fulfillment from working hard and being respected then they become manipulative, bitchy, and toxic. The main issue is that they are getting their validation from others, not from themselves.

"What are you going to do, Sato?! Are you going to stay like this?! A miserable Hikikomori living at the bottom of society?! I know you're not stupid Satou. By now I'm sure you've realized that this world is looking down on you. That they think your scum. Don't you understand Satou? They're using you for their own selfish needs. Society wants Hikikomori like you to exist. It makes them secure. It gives them someone to look down on. Even if their lives are falling apart they can always say: 'AT LEAST I AM BETTER OFF THAN THAT GUY!!!' Don't you see? This world is doggy dog. It's a zero sum game! If you don't look down on others then they are going to look down on you! If you don't want to suffer then your only choice is to make others suffer! Don't be a loser join the winning team. Face it, human relationships are founded upon nothing but lies. You'd be better off just trading them for money!" - Megumi

This is going to connect us back to being manipulative, toxic, and not honest. Remember when we talked about needy people? So needy people require a certain amount of external investment in order to feel emotionally fulfilled. When they can't get it they have to find other ways to get their needs met. By far the easiest way is to just think they are better than others and/or it's all a conspiracy. Does this sound familiar?

"In other words, if you don't have a sense of self-confidence just pretend who ever you're talking to is an even worse person than you are. That's all there is to it Satou. It's simple, if you find it difficult to elevate yourself you just have to put everyone else below you. Just look down on them. That way even if they do think you're stupid at least your even." - Misaki

But the problem with this approach is the fulfillment is external not internal. It also only last so long, so you'll need to keep looking down on others over and over and over and over again to be fulfilled. I don't know about you, but people who are bitchy, needy, and gossip all the time are extremely unpleasant to be around. These are also the same types of people who will latch onto your vulnerabilities and use them to feel better about themselves. They will punish you and use your vulnerabilities to manipulate and control you, so you can therefore never be able to truly be honest with yourself. Stay away from these people.

You need to be honest and vulnerable with yourself to grow just not around these people... These people do not want to see you grow and get better.

"Satou, you should know by now that human beings are reluctant to admit their worthless, as a result they are constantly looking for someone more worthless than themselves. That's why the internet is full of people on the internet insulting each other anonymously. When they can't find someone in real life to look down upon they look to message boards. Even if they never met them they brand other people as worthless because they want to believe they are better than someone at least. Pretty pathetic, isn't it? People like that have no sense of self-confidence. The only way they can feel better is by putting others down. Of course in the end that just leads them to hate society. If you think about it, wouldn't make things easier if you just admitted that you're a complete failure. Maybe you should try it Satou. Admit it, you're a NEET, you're a loser. You even have a high school girl taking pity on you. Just admit it. Come on just admit it. Come on just admit it. Come on just admit it." - Satou's Schizophrenia

It's only when Satou can finally admit to himself that he is a loser and a failure that he decides to get a job. When he gets a job and starts working only later things start getting better for him.

It's crucial to understand that there are two types of criticism:

  1. Constructive Criticism
  2. Destructive Criticism

I mean, Satou could've just said I'm a loser/failure and ended his life. A lot of people ending up doing that. Or he could say: I'm a loser and a failure, but I am going to do something about that! I am going to get a job! I am going to become financially independent! I am going to create healthy relationships and friends!

When you are being honest and vulnerable with yourself, it has to come from a place where you actually want to improve/grow yourself, not destroy yourself. When you're honest and vulnerable with others do they actually want to see you improve or do they just want to humiliate/destroy you?

The first one is having a growth mindset. The second one is just giving up.

A growth mindset will lead you to displaying more true confidence which is what we're all trying to get to.

True Confidence is actually the most attractive quality you can have

True Confidence is often poorly misunderstood.

Yamazaki's and Nanako's relationship is very funny.

He likes her, but whenever he tries to impress her it fails. So one day he decides to get drunk and do the exact opposite. He's going to show her all his figurines/posters and the gal game he's worked so hard on. He isn't going to hide his insecurities or vulnerabilities anymore, and he isn't going to be ashamed by it. He has nothing left to lose, so he doesn't really care what she thinks since he's going to be leaving anyway.

So she comes into his apartment he starts acting all serious and everything. And once he has her attention he throws down his curtains to reveal all the disgusting weeb crap he is into.

"This is it the real me! Gal games! Figures! Doujinshi! When it comes to hentai and hot anime girls I have to have it all! I may look harmless, but I am really a perverted super otaku!!! But wait it gets better! Believe it or not right now I am in the middle of making a hardcore hentai game where the main character is modeled after you!" - Yamazaki

"Are you an idiot? Don't get me wrong I think those sex games and dirty comics of yours are really disgusting. But still when I see how dedicated you are to something you love. How do I say this? It's kind of manly." - Nanako

Funny because the exact opposite happens. She attracted to him because of how HONEST he is about is vulnerabilities. Not because of his vulnerabilities.

Most people think that weird or fucked up side of them is really unattractive, and they should NEVER EVER show it. There is an irony in this though, what we are actually really attracted to tend to be those sides of us that we don't want to show anyone.

So no, it's not, NOT showing your vulnerabilities, its actually just being ok with sharing your vulnerabilities regardless of the perception of others.

If you're never vulnerable, if you play it safe, if you only follow what is socially acceptable then you'll be boring.

There are so many people who try to get the superficial things in life: money, looks, likes, fashion, friends, you know all the bullshit. But when it really comes down to it, being honest and doing what you truly want regardless of what other people think is actually really the most attractive thing. The thing about confidence is, whether it gets people to like you isn't the point. The point is that it internally fulfills you. The point is your independent and building a life FOR yourself. This takes years of internal investment on your part, and it isn't a quick switch. This comes from having hobbies/projects/skills that internally fulfill you.

Be honest with yourself, invest in yourself for yourself. Figure you what YOU want out of life and NOT what others want out of you. And if you do that then you'll finally start being more comfortable expressing your true self to others.

I mean Asuka pretty much indirectly communicates that she wants this out of Shinji.

"You have never done anything out of your own genuine desire!" - Asuka to Shinji

TLDR

  • If you are not honest with yourself and others, then you cannot take responsibility for yourself.
  • If you cannot take responsibility for yourself, then you will not be able to build a healthy independent lifestyle you love (projects/hobbies/skills).
  • If you can't build a healthy independent lifestyle that you love, then you will not be able to get internal validation (true confidence).
  • If you can't build true confidence, then you will not be able to create healthy relationships with people who enjoy being around you.
  • If you're not able to create healthy relationships with people who you enjoy, then you won't be able to filter toxic manipulative people and set boundaries.
  • If you aren't able to filter toxic manipulative people and set boundaries, then you'll be needy, pathetic, easily manipulated, and controlled.
  • If you're easily manipulated and controlled, then you will not be able to build a life that truly emotionally fulfills you; you will feel like a loser; you will have this victim mentality that other people are trying to control you and stop you from getting what you want.
  • You'll think it's all a conspiracy.
  • Not realizing the conspiracy was meant to show you where you went wrong and how you can actually fix your life.
  • Welcome To The NHK ;)

Summary

1. Independence > Dependence

2. Be Honest With Yourself and Others

3. Take Responsibility For Yourself Instead of Blaming Society

4. Build a Healthy lifestyle

5. Healthy Relationships are hard to build/maintain

6. Avoid Toxic Relationships and Manipulative People

7. You can still feel worthless even if you have a job, friends, hobbies, and relationships

8. Hard Work doesn't necessarily make your life better

9. People will judge you no matter what you do

10. True Confidence is actually the most attractive quality you can have