From Zero To Hero

Re:Zero is about an unlikable hated high school drop out hikikomori NEET loser (Subaru). Subaru doesn't have any skills or resources. He is pathetic, selfish, needy, obnoxious, and arrogant. He screws up almost all his relationships/friendships and creates horrible situations for himself.

I love this anime because it isn't some bullshit self insert power fantasy!

There's a lot of anime out there where the main character sucks in the first episode and then by like 3rd episode they're OP and stronger than everyone else. They get all the girls, they get all the friends, they get all the awards... Looking at you Shield Hero and Solo Leveling.

Real life isn't like that. Real life is painful, it's awkward, it's self-contradictory, it's paradoxical, it's tough. I like it when the main character is awkward and cringy and has to face difficult situations, relationships, and conversations. I like it when they struggle because it's so much more realistic. It feels more ... Real. And ultimately it can teach us how to better improve ourselves.

Whenever Subaru screws up and dies, he is forced to come back to life, and respond to some random time before he died. He can not just give up. He actually has to face himself and the situations he has created for himself. From this he slowly learns how to better himself. The one catch though is he can not tell anyone that he can return by death. Doing so will endanger his life and the people around him.

But ultimately he learns

How to communicate better
How to be brave
What it really means to be a hero
How to negotiate
How to be more mature
How important teamwork is
How to take care of yourself

And so he is able to go from this needy, pathetic, selfish man to more of a mature selfless hero archetype.

He ends up

Defeating the White Whale
Defeating Petelgeuse
Saving the Village from the Witch Cultists
And getting the lap pillow at the end

In this essay I am going to talk about how psychologically he did that. Using this information can drastically change your life if you're able to apply it correctly.

Eliminate Needy Behavior

Subaru is really needy. Needy behavior is universally unattractive for numerous reasons, but overall it's indicative that there are underlying problems in your life. Needy behavior makes you selfish and when you're selfish you don't think about how your actions will affect other people. In other words, you lack basic self-awareness.

Subaru is really needy when it comes to Emilia. Emilia is a really kind and loving person, so she tolerates it. However, if you know anything about her character, you'll know that she is very deeply insecure herself. That's probably why she can tolerate it so much.

Needy behavior isn't bad in of it itself, but depending on the context and how you use it, it can really backfire on you. There is a pivotal scene here that shows us how needy behavior can really screw with you.

During the royal selection, a council will select a new ruler for the kingdom of Lugunica.

There are five different candidates that want to be the ruler

Emilia
Crusch
Priscilla
Anastasia
Felt (Trump card)

The last thing you want to do is make enemies with these candidates. These candidates already rule numerous lands, they are of high status, and one of them is going to rule the kingdom of Lugunica. It would be really smart not to screw up here.

Emilia knows that, however she has a big problem: all the parties - pretty much everyone hates the witch and anything to do with witches. You do not want to be associated with being a witch. Emilia has white hair, she is a half-elf, she is an orphan - she knows that this is not going to go well for her. The last thing she wants is to do is make a scene. Subaru is very attached to her, and she knows that if he comes, he is going to try to stand up for her and screw everything up. So she specifically tells him not to come.

Subaru, however, decides to be needy and break her promise. He comes anyway. While she is being criticized, he goes in front of everyone in the entire royal cabinet, tells them all to screw off, and declares himself as Emilia's knight. This ends up pissing off all the kingdoms, Emilia, and Julius who wants to duel him over Emilia. All of this, just because he was too needy and too invested in her. This leads him to getting his ass kicked in front of everyone.

"I just wanted to do something important for you" - Subaru

"Is that right? For Me? But it was for you wasn't it?" - Emilia

"No it was for you I swear!" - Subaru

"You said that so many times! Stop telling lies about how everything is for my sake! So coming to the castle, fighting Julius, and using magic - are you trying to say that was all for me!? WHY?! I never asked you to do any of that! Now think back, do you remember what I asked you to do?...Let me remind you: I asked you to stay behind at the lodge with Rem. I asked you specifically not to use magic because using anymore would endanger you...I want to. I want to believe you Subaru...But with every choice you make YOU SHOW ME I HAVE NO REASON TO! You made a promise to me, but you threw it away just like that AND CAME ALL THE WAY HERE DESPITE WHAT YOU SWORE TO ME! YOU WON'T KEEP YOUR SOLEMN VOW TO ME! YOUR WORD! AND YET YOU ASK ME TO BELIEVE YOU? I CAN'T DO THAT! I CAN'T! I WON'T!" - Emilia

If you can take anything away from this - do not break promises with people! If you do, you better have a good excuse that doesn't come from neediness. If you inherently lie, then your actions will show, the trust will break down and the relationship will fall apart. If Subaru actually just straight up listened to her and didn't break the promise then things would've gone a lot better. It would've also showed that he was non-needy and trust worthy. Literal walk in the park. Instead he tries to go out and force things beyond himself.

Subaru has a pretty big ego. He is transported into a fantasy world where he thinks he can do anything. Unfortunately for him, the fantasy world is more like the real world, and in the real world your actions have consequences, people are complicated, and nobody owes you anything.

"Subaru I still don't understand. Why do you keep trying to help me like this?" - Emilia

"Because of the many times you helped me... " - Subaru

"Wait I helped you?" - Emilia

"Yes that's right. You don't even realize the things you've done for me." - Subaru

"No Subaru. I don't." - Emilia

"You saved me time and time again so every last thing I've done is to repay you for your kindness." - Subaru

"I TOLD YOU I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!" - Emilia

"The version of me that lives within you must be amazing. She understands all of your thoughts even if you don't explain them to her. She can feel all your pain and all of your sadness as well as her anger is your very own. I can't understand if you don't tell me Subaru!" - Emilia

The thing is, he can not be honest with her, because being honest with her would require him to tell her that he can return by death which is impossible for him to do. The problem is, if he can not be honest with her, then she can't trust him. And because she can't trust him she ends the relationship.

"...You were saved because I was there for you! Don't you see? You should have a greater debt to me than you could ever repay!" - Subaru

"Yes you're right. All of these debts that I owe you. So many. They have piled up haven't they? Then I'll repay all of them in this moment. By ending this." - Emilia

Ah, yes the good old, you owe me things because I did things for you. Neediness. Here's a tip, don't tell anyone they owe you anything. That kind of mentality will get you nowhere in life or attract people that aren't pleasant to be around.

After she leaves him, he slowly learns that the witch's cult has plans to attack Roswaal's domain (which contains Emilia and some villagers). To get redemption for his past mistakes, he tries to ask the other candidates for help and I bet you can already guess how well this is going to work out.

Let's paint a picture here. You are living in the fantasy Middle Ages. You are powerful. You've probably obtained that power through various corrupt means. An opening for ruling the entire kingdom of Lugunica is up. This is your chance to obtain more power and glory than ever before and cement your legacy. Then all of a sudden, a guy who is trying to help your rival defeat you, asks you to help him save your rival. Will you help him?

So Subaru first tries to ask Crusch for help.

"Some people calling themselves the witch's cult plan to attack Roswaal's domain in three days. I want to ask for your help in stopping them." - Subaru

"If you wish to negotiate you need to show what I stand to gain by getting involved...What would my profit be? What would I stand to gain from intervening in this affair at all?" - Crusch

Crusch pretty much spells out that she is not going to help him unless he has something SHE WANTS. Unfortunately he only thinks FOR HIMSELF and not about others. He tells her that she can have anything she wants from him. Well of course she uses this opportunity to eliminate Emilia.

"If you incur a debt to me through this deal it would mean the elimination of Emilia's camp from the race" - Crusch

"If she dies then everything ends anyway..." - Subaru

This is a really dumb deal that Subaru is making. Think about it.

If Crusch joins Subaru and they defeat the Witch Cult then Emilia gets eliminated. If she doesn't join Subaru then Emilia dies and still gets eliminated. It doesn't make sense for her to risk joining in. Furthermore, every time he says the Witch Cult is going to attack a specific location at a specific time, it makes her suspicious that he might belong to the Witch Cult. How would he even know when and where the Witch is going to attack?

"Haven't I already told you Natsuki Subaru? If your own lies do not convince you, they will not convince others...Because not once have you said you want to save Emilia." - Crusch

When she rejects him he moans and bitches how all the villagers are going to die. He never ever once mentions Emilia. Now think about it. If you truly wanted to save Emilia wouldn't you make that a bigger priority?

Next up he goes to Priscilla.

Priscilla tests his offer. She wants to know whether his offer comes from neediness or loyalty. There is a difference: if your loyal you do not compromise on your principles and values and if your needy you do.

"I'll make you an offer. Lick it. I want you to crawl across the floor, savoring the shame and humiliation then like a meek and wretched beast, like a little baby suckling on its mother's teat, extend your tongue and lick my foot. If you can do that then I will consider your proposal." - Priscilla

In order to test this she makes him an offer that if he licks her foot then she will consider the offer. The thing is, she doesn't really care about his offer. I mean why would she? It's basically a shit test. If he doesn't lick her foot he is loyal. If he licks her foot he is needy. Either way he doesn't really gain anything out of it. Well chooses to be needy and gets the crap kicked out of him...

"You really are just an insignificant man. What you displayed was neither loyalty nor devotion. It's something filthier, like a dogs dependence or a pig's insatiable greed. One who knows only how to want. A pig's greed is the ugliest thing there is! Even if by some chance the Witch Cult is defeated I swear I will strike down any camp you are a part of. Do you hear me? Your careless behavior and your disdainful attitude have led me to that decision." - Priscilla

So by compromising his values and morals he makes his situation even worse. She assumes that Subaru must have no value and only care about himself: he must therefore be needy, desperate, and not truly trustworthy.

So you would think, the gears would eventually snap for Subaru, but alas, he gives it another shot. He decides to meet with another candidate, Anastasia. This time, however, he is only looking for a carriage which will help him get to Roswaal's mansion.

"A word of advice, you won't make anyone happy, putting your own goals first. The basic rule of negotiation is to try to get on the other person's good side. That's where you are lacking Natsuki." - Anastasia

"I am sorry about that but I need to leave the capital by tomorrow. Please help" - Subaru

Oh. My. God. If you can take anything away from this, understand this: humans will not just help you for the kindness of in their heart. If you want someone to do something for you then you need to have something they want!

"Against my kind, trying to appeal to sentimentality is the worst strategy there is. But still I applaud all your efforts. It's no easy task to find a dragon drawn carriage in the capital right now. Apparently someone is buying up all of them. Here you go. The place at this address here should have a carriage left and I signed it with my own name, so there shouldn't be any problems. This will square everything away!" - Anastasia

"But why would you even bother? It's not as if you gain anything from it." - Subaru

"You might feel that way but as for me, I believe that there is nothing in this world that has no meaning. Because you just never know who just might give you some unexcpected inspiration." - Anastasia

Let's put some context together. She wants something from him. What do you think she might want? She wants to be the leader, so anything to help her be the leader. Subaru just talked to the previous two candidates. If he can give her any information about the previous candidates then she might have the upper hand.

So she starts side talking about how Crush is gathering all this iron and resources to get Subaru talking about her. It becomes obvious that Anastasia wants to get information about Crusch.

"She did have a constant stream of visitors... I get it, then that's probably why that Russell guy stopped by at her place." - Subaru

"Russell fellow? He's quite a big fish." - Anastasia

"You just left Ms. Crush's place after fighting with her last night, right? So, I'd figured it would be easy to sit down for a while and get all sorts of information from your mouth, eyes, and expressions." - Anastasia

"So you set me up from the very start?" - Subaru

She manipulates him and lays it out perfectly: if you want to get things in life then you better damn well know what other people want otherwise they will just try to manipulate you.

"If you want to prove someone your righteous you have to show them something to merit it and I don't see anything like that at all in you..." - Anastasia

Ok, lets move past some couple events. He does get back to the mansion, but not without some consequences. One of his close friends on the trip, Rem, disappears forever. Ram, one of the workers at the mansion, basically calls him a loser to his face who is afraid to take responsibility for himself. Discovering all of this makes him freak out and go straight to Emilia's room.

And as you guessed it... He is NEEDY again.. He goes on and on about how Rem is gone and that she needs to leave because people are going to kill her.

And when she doesn't respond in a way he wants he emotionally breaks down and tries to tell her that he can return by death. This actually ends up killing her which eventually leads to his death as well...

All of this, because he can not be truly honest with himself...

By trying to put his needs over others
By not truly listening to others
By not truly negotiating
By not truly understanding others
By not truly listening to others
By trying to become the best and fulfill his ego

He ends up destroying everything.

Now the thing is, we all have moments of needy behavior from time to time. Repressing needy behavior just makes us more insecure. So instead of repressing it, we need healthier ways of dealing with it. There are many unhealthy ways of dealing with it, that sadly is promoted in our culture, but overall the best way deal with needy behavior is to

Be Honest And Vulnerable With Yourself And Others

When you keep repressing your emotions over and over again they eventually have to come out. And if something sets you off then they might just come out in a really unhealthy way.

Subaru is putting on a mask. He does not want certain vulnerabilities of his to be seen.

All vulnerability really is, is just not hiding your emotions.

Subaru is vulnerable a lot in this show.

Crying
Admitting He Sucks At Things
Asking For Helping
Expressing Love
Showing Joy

Sometimes he does multiple at once.

There is this common toxic trope that any expression of any vulnerabilities at all shows weakness and therefore it's unattractive. The problem is you need to be vulnerable in order to strong. You need to understand your problems first in order to overcome them. Vulnerability makes you self-aware of your issues.

It shows

What You Hate About Yourself And Others
What You Love About Yourself And Others
How Much You Care About Yourself And Others

And you can use that information to better improve yourself and therefore become a stronger individual in the process. Not only that, it becomes a powerful tool when it comes to relationships. Vulnerability is pretty much how we learn to trust each other, it's how we form emotional connections. If you can't do either with yourself or others then what is even the point?

So a couple episodes beforehand he is putting on this charismatic high energy fake persona. Emilia catches him talking to himself about how uncomfortable he is. Given that she can't understand him, she tries to comfort him through some good old lap pillow therapy.

"It's been rough hasn't it?" - Emilia

"Yeah it was rough. And it was so painful. I was just so terrified. I was so sad it hurt. It hurt so much I thought I'd die. I tried so hard and I couldn't get things to work out. I was so desperate to set things right. So desperate to make everything turn out ok. It's the truth. I honestly never tried so hard to do anything in my entire life." - Subaru

"Yes I know." - Emilia

"Because I love this place so much. Because it was so important to me. I was so scared. I was so desperate to set everything right again. I didn't want those eyes looking at me like that. It was so completely terrifying. And I hated myself so much, so much for feeling that way." - Subaru

Why is the vulnerability good in this scene? It shows that she can trust him. It shows that he cares about people deeply, the mansion, and improving himself. It shows he wants to help people and make things better. It shows that he is putting effort in and is suffering from the pain of it all.

From this vulnerability, Emilia can choose to trust him more, and thus make it easier for her to care about him. And yeah he does get teased by other people by doing this, but if he was never vulnerable, then it would be harder for Emilia to trust him.

Crying your eyes out on someone's lap is one way to be vulnerable, but a far easier more practical way is just to accept your vulnerability naturally with no consequence.

During a scene while he is trying to comfort Rem, he pretty much admits he sucks with a smile on his face!

"You keep putting Ram on a pedestal while undermining yourself...No one could ever take your place." - Subaru

"I am very weak so I am certain I will be very dependent and leaning on you." - Rem

"What's wrong with that? I may be weak, stupid and scary looking and as I am sure you've noticed I am pretty dense, but I have never let that stop me. I still let others take care of things for me when I can't handle it. We can just lean on each other as we move forward." - Subaru

Why is his expression of vulnerability so good in this scene? He comes off less invested in her, more invested in himself, and also accepts her for who she really is. This is a pretty sure fire way to make any girl fall in love with you. It shows that he is self-aware, he is working on himself to better himself, and he accepts her vulnerabilities unconditionally.

Unfortunately things get worse for him.

Let's go back to right after he failed all his negotiations, kills Emilia and dies.

When he eventually comes back to life he tells Rem he is giving up and putting in the towel. This one of the important expressions of vulnerability in the entire show and it sets the stage for everything to come. But it's also really unhealthy and generally not recommended, well at least when you're around people.

"I'll TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF MAN I REALLY AM! I HAVE NO STRENGTH BUT I WANT IT ALL! I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE BUT ALL I DO IS DREAM! THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO BUT I STRUGGLE IN VAIN LIKE AN IDIOT! I...I HATE MYSELF!!! ALL I DO IS TALK A BIG GAME AND MAKE MYSELF SOUND LIKE A BIG SHOT WHEN I CAN'T DO ANYTHING! I NEVER DO ANYTHING AND I COMPLAIN LIKE THE BEST OF THEM, LIKE IT'S MY JOB OR SOMETHING - WHO THE HELL DO I THINK I AM?! I AM A FRAUD! IT'S AMAZING THAT I CAN LIVE LIKE THIS AND NOT FEEL ASHAMED! YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT! I AM AN EMPTY SHELL! THERE IS NOTHING INSIDE ME AT ALL! I KNOW THERE ISN'T... GUESS THAT'S OBVIOUS! ANYBODY COULD SEE THAT! BEFORE I CAME TO THIS PLACE, BEFORE I GOT INTO THIS SITUATION THAT LED ME TO ALL OF YOU, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I DID WITH MY LIFE? I DID NOTHING, THAT'S WHAT! I'VE NEVER DONE A SINGLE THING WORTH MENTIONING! I HAD ALL THAT TIME AND FREEDOM, BUT I JUST SQUANDERED IT AWAY ON NOTHING! I COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING WITH MY LIFE, BUT I NEVER DID A DAMN THING! AND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT NOW IS THE RESULT! THIS COWARDLY, WEAK, WORTHLESS CRYBABY... ALL OF MY POWERLESSNESS... ALL OF MY INCOMPETENCE... IS THE PRODUCT OF MY ROTTEN AND PATHETIC CHARACTER... WANTING TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING IMPORTANT WHEN I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO EARN IT GOES WAY BEYOND THE LIMITATIONS OF ARROGANCE! THE COST OF MY LIFETIME OF LAZINESS AND ALL THE WASTEFUL HABITS I FORCED ALONG THE WAY... JUST ENDS UP KILLING BOTH YOU AND ME! THAT'S RIGHT! I HAVE NO CHARACTER! EVEN WHEN I THOUGHT I COULD GO ON LIVING HERE, NOTHING CHANGED ABOUT WHO I REALLY AM!" - Subaru

If you're really paying attention you might've picked up on the fact that vulnerability can be expressed in many different ways. The one you're seeing here is more akin to emotional vomit and it comes from a lot of self-hatred. It's a fixed victim mentality mindset where there isn't a healthy resolution for growth or change.

Subaru was a NEET hikikomori before all of this. That past lead to a lot of self-hatred. He wanted to prove that he was "something" and because wasn't able to do that he unloads all the stuff he hates about himself.

He's not strong
He he has no knowledge
He struggles
He talks like an idiot
He never "did anything" worth talking about
He has nothing "special about him"
He never accomplished something "important"

He wants people to see him as a successful, high status, intelligent, powerful guy and this all gets in the way of that.

I am pretty sure everyone around the age of 18-25 feels like this. Everyone who is young is incredibly insecure. Everyone feels like a dummy. Everyone wants to be valued by society or someone or something at least. So we all put on masks... Anything to garner us some love or respect at least.

I remember High School. I remember when kids would try to appear to do all these insane things just so they can get self-respect and self-love. Hiding all the "bad" things about themselves. Right, because nobody would just accept them unconditionally, so they had to show everyone that they're doing all these things even if the things aren't really making a difference. And everyone just pretends to go along with it and care. Guess I was a bit guilty of that to.

Vulnerability makes us more aware of some of our insecurities, so we can work on them and grow. When you're never vulnerable with yourself, you can not become self-aware and thus you'll never be able to fix your situation. You see the power in vulnerability?

Either way you can vomit and scream them out like he did here or just say them with a smile on your face. You can have a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. It's up to you.

"I wasn't trying to get stronger or trying to make things better. That was a lie! I was just trying to strike an obvious pose to justify myself! To say that I was trying my best! That it wasn't like I wasn't doing anything! To be able to appear to be doing everything I could! I wanted to say I couldn't help it! To be told that it couldn't be helped! I was only pretending to push my body to the limit so that all of those excuses could be possible! Even when I had you help me study, I was just posing to cover up how embarrassed I felt to be such an incompetent idiot! Deep down inside, at the core of my heart, I am just a small, cowardly, filthy piece of trash who's always worried about how others see me, how they'll accept or judge me, and nothing ... NOTHING ABOUT ME HAS CHANGED!!!" - Subaru

It's important to note, when he tries to hide his vulnerabilities instead of just showing them or being more honest with himself, he gets even more insecure and thus even more needy. It gets even more painful and harder to express them. Double whammy.

"I absolutely hate myself." - Subaru

There it is, the self-hatred. And to get away from that you try to appear cool trope. And yeah I am guilty of this too from time to time, but a good way I found to beat this trope is this:

Focus on How You Can Help Others > Not How Others Can Perceive You

The more you can just focus on helping others while being a little emotionally vulnerable without being too needy, the better you'll feel overall. I think I wrote a whole list of traits associated with false and true confidence in one of my blog posts because I struggled with it a lot.

We live in a culture that celebrates self-worship and not enough of just helping others. I feel like if we stopped trying to be the best all the time and just accepted our vulnerabilities as is, our mental health would improve dramatically.

So Rem tries to help him through all of this. Rem is like the mommy figure to Subaru. A mother's love is almost always unconditional and therefore they are usually the best people to be vulnerable around. No matter what any women tells you, they will never love you like your mother does. Any who, she basically tells him that he has self-worth, that he should love himself, and that he should have a growth mindset because deep down she knows he has good intentions. She tells him not to give up, to keep working through his issues, and that despite his issues she loves him for who he really is. Perfect girl right here.

From this he learns that he has to take care of himself. He has to face himself. He learns to accept his vulnerabilities and actually use them to his advantage. He learns to love himself. And this will lead him down a process toward eliminating his needy selfish behavior. This is when things finally start to change for him.

Honesty and vulnerability when done right allows you to figure out what the problem is (self-aware), which will allow you to start trying to solve the problem. It will allow you to take more responsibility for yourself and become more self-aware.

This vulnerability is laying the groundwork for the three sins that Subaru has to indirectly overcome:

Sloth
Pride
Greed

I really have to hand it to the author for the hidden ways these are woven into the story.

Sloth is the name of one the Witch occultists Subaru must defeat in season one. Sloth represents the idea that you can't change and people are fixed. Remember Subaru's neediness was fueled by a fixed victim mentality mindset. By learning to love himself and accepting his situation, Subaru can change himself, his relationships and therefore his outcome, thus defeating Sloth.

"THE LOVE, THE LOVE, THE LOVE, THE LOVE!" - Petelgeuse (Witch Occultist)

Pride is one of the positions that Petelgeuse offers Subaru. Pride represents the idea that everything you're and everything you are doing is in the right while everyone else is in the wrong. This is again fueled by neediness. Instead, Subaru learns to accept and embrace his vulnerabilities, while also allowing other people to step in, thus defeating Pride.

And finally there is Greed, which is expressed by the Witch Echidna in season two. If I write another essay on Re:Zero, it'll be on season two, but I am saving this for season one right now.

Beat Sloth. Beat Pride. Find a problem. Figure out how it affects you. Work on that problem to minimize how it affects you. Once the problem is minimized in your life use what you learned to help other people solve their problems for themselves. Combine that Self-Love, Self-Acceptance, Self-Worth, and Self-Awareness.

Hopefully now you're no longer thinking of vulnerability as a weakness but as a strength. What can it teach me more about myself? What can it teach me more about others? What can it teach me to improve myself? What it can teach me to improve others?

Understand Other People's Vulnerabilities

Despite being a little needy, Subaru has some really good character traits: he's charismatic, brave, and he goes for what he wants in life. He's also fun to be around and pretty much steals the show every scene. But by far his best trait is paying close attention to all the little details that people say/want.

For instance, when he finds out the children of the village are missing, he rushes to save them despite everything.

"But why go so far? What is it about this village that matters so much to you?" - Rem

"You remember Petra? Some day when she is all grown up she wants to move to the capital and makes clothes. Lukas wants to prove himself and eventually be the villages best woodcutter like his dad. Mild wants to take some of the prettiest flowers growing in the field, craft them in a beautiful crown and give it to his mother... And the brothers Dine and Caine are always fighting over which one of them will be lucky enough to marry Petra. All of those kids matter to me." - Subaru

Now all he has to do is carry that attitude over to the situation he is currently in. Let's go back to the candidates. They all hate the witch. The witch is the bitch. The witch has mabeasts. One of the mabeasts, the white whale, is particularly hated by everyone. Subaru has already encountered the white whale. He can utilize something they want to create value: they all want to kill the white whale! He uses this to form an alliance.

"I am proposing an alliance between the Emilia and Crusch camps on equal terms and the information I'll offer for that purpose is this: the next time in place you'll find the white whale." - Subaru

"It seems a bit out of nowhere for you to suddenly bring out the white whale like this" - Crusch

"Oh I don't know that. When we first began this negotiation I mentioned the magic stones that were found in Elior forest located inside lord Roswaal's domain. If sharing the mining rights isn't insufficient incentive to seal this deal then I suppose I am going to need to offer an additional push. So listen to me, I am absolutely certain that the information I can provide will help you in your plan to bring that thing down." - Subaru

She hates the white whale. He hates the white whale. It's a win-win. She gets a boost in the royal selection, gets mining rights, and defeats the white whale. While it may seem that he doesn't get that much, remember his original goal is to defeat the witch cultists that are going to terrorize Emilia's camp. By creating value here first, it will allow her camp to trust him and thus help him further down the line.

"What made you feel that this would be enticing to me?" - Crush

"For the past few days I've noticed a few things that bothered me. First the traffic to and from your mansion. It's been just a little excessive if you ask me. Also, I heard that in the capital that you've been buying up a lot of weapons and armor lately. Plus,"

"If Ms. Crush goal were to be obtained then Mr. Wilhelm I'm confident that such an outcome would suit your desires." - Fellow

"Based on those observations it seems like you were planning something big." - Subaru

"This important decision will determine not only the outcome of the royal selection itself, but the entire future of the kingdom" - Crusch

So beforehand he decided to talk to Anastasia and Russell Fellow (one of the rich merchants) about killing the white whale. Now, again, Anastasia HATES the white whale and WANTS a boost in the royal selection. By adding Crusch to the mix and all those resources she is gathering, he can further entice her. This will make her much more receptive to form an alliance between her, Subaru, and Crusch.

It's a Win-Win-Win situation here, because they all generally benefit from this:

They all defeat the White Whale
They all get boosts in the royal selection

"But if you're really down on taking down the white whale I'm all about it. For us business folk whether that is around or not is pretty much a life or death matter. So our mercenary team will help with whatever you need." - Anastasia

"If the alliance is formed magi stones mined from veins previously untouched will be distributed to the capital through Ms. Crush." - Russell Fellow

"I'll say it once more. What I offer in return for this alliance is a share in the magic stone mining rights and information concerning when and where the white whale will next appear. You'd have everything you need to locate and attack that terrorizing mob-beast. And then bring it down!" - Subaru

"If your goal and my wish align the way I think they do then let's defeat the white whale! Let's go on a hunt together!" - Subaru

"I will choose to trust your eyes and the spirit that lead you to create this situation" - Crusch

So what can we learn from this? If you want someone to do something for you then you have to aim for win-win scenarios where everyone benefits. In order to do that you need to understand their problems and motivations. And in order to do that, you have to understand their VULNERABILITIES! Ah, we've come full circle!

Use What You Learned To Benefit Both Yourself And Others

So the battle starts and now everyone is acting as a group together to defeat the white whale. This by far the most critical and crucial step. Teamwork is vital here. Subaru is no longer putting his needs over everyone else. He understands now that instead, he has to help people become better, so they can achieve their desires and what they truly want!

"I don't even have any attacks that I could use so watching is all I am able to do anyway." - Ferris

"But with your ability to heal I would say you're our lifeline. The fact that you can do that makes your role extra important! We're counting on you!" - Subaru

Stuff like this may seem simple, but it goes a long way. If you can really discover what people want or what they are good at and elevate them then they'll likely do the same to you.

During the battle, the white whale divides into three entities, one hiding far above while the rest of the two fighting below. Subaru realizes that the one hiding above is the real one, so they just have to be able to kill that one. He devises a plan with Crusch. He is going to lure the one hiding using the witch scent he has towards the bottom where it will be more vulnerable. Crusch will then attack it. This is after a great quantity of the army is killed off. He continues to pursue his goals despite all odds and he is sacrificing himself. This is what makes him a hero!

"Look at that boy! He is so weak and fragile a breath could blow him away, and he is unarmed. He is powerless. I have seen his defeat with my own eyes. He is weaker than everybody else on this battlefield. Yet, he is shouting louder than anyone that we can still come out victorious. So how can we sit, wailing our faces in defeat if our weakest man hasn't given up? How is it acceptable for all the rest of us to kneel as if we've already lost?" - Crusch

So this is probably one of my favorite scenes within the entire show. Once he is on top of the whale, he jumps off and he shouts that he can return by death! This covers him in the witch's scent and lures the white whale toward him. He uses his vulnerabilities. The same vulnerability that destroyed his relationships and got Emilia killed! The same vulnerability that he's struggled with over and over and over. The most ironic thing is it ends up being that vulnerability that ends up killing the white whale. Vulnerabilities are some of the most psychologically powerful tools you have if you can utilize them correctly!

"I think you're truly an amazing person...But I'll be counting on you to uphold the alliance. And even if we both end up as enemies I believe we can both get along until that moment comes. So what do you say?" - Subaru

"Subaru Natsuki, allow me to correct one idea you have. If we find ourselves in conflict one day, I promise I will continue to remain friendly towards you even if the time comes and we must settle things once and for all. I will not forget the great debt I had incurred to you this day. Therefore even if we do become enemies my respect for you will never fade nor falter and I will continue to show you favor until the end." - Crusch

That is the power of creating value for someone or making someone's life better - they are now much more likely help him in his original plan. Remember, his original plan was not to kill the white whale, it was to stop the witch occultists from attacking Roswaal's domain. Because it was a win-win scenario, they are now much more likely to help him. This actually improves all relationships.

"You think we can trust the allegations that the white whale and the witch's cult are actually connected?" - Tivey

"Enough! If you can't believe him even after everything he did to stop the white whale then you just need to believe me!" - Mimi

So even though some people are suspicious it all really comes down to power dynamics. Help enough people out in the way they want and then just tie your goal somewhere within there, but don't make it obvious. If you do it right, they won't care and they'll try to help you out.

So the plan is to evacuate the villagers and attack the Witch's cult when they arrive. Crusch and Anastasia are agreeing to send backup.

"Why would Ms. Crush go out of her way to help this domain?" - Emilia

"My master received a proposal from the margrave to form an alliance with respect to the royal selection. The condition is a large share of the mining rights in Elior forest. Do you understand this ma'am?" - Wilhelm

So yeah, it all really comes down to politics. The more you understand human psychology, the better you can get at it.

And hey, remember awhile ago when I talked about Subaru's terrible relationship with Julius? Well defeating the white whale ended up approving Julius's respect for Subaru. And now since they both hate the Witch's Cultists they end up working together to take down Petelguese.

"The subjugation of the white whale has been a wish that the imperial knights have held for as long as anyone could remember but were never able to fulfill. It would seem that I owe you my thanks" - Julius

When it comes to difficult relationships, you can end up strengthen them by being more emotionally mature and aiming for the win-win scenarios. There are always going to be differences in value, but aim for the similarities. And also learn to forgive. I think just forgiving plus being vulnerable would go a long way towards healing broken relationships.

So Subaru has fixed a lot of relationships, but there is one more crucial one for him to overcome... The villagers.

"Why would they bother a place like this?" - Villagers

"The reason is obvious, it's because of that half-elf!" - Villagers

"Look Emilia has nothing to do with it!" - Subaru

"She has everything to do with it!" - Villagers

You're not going to convince people telling them they are wrong. Even if Subaru is right, it's actually a lot more effective to appeal to people's senses. Speak in their language! Tell them they are all going to die if they don't get out of the village and listen to him!

"I understand your feelings and concerns very well. I am not going to try to convince you to try to change your minds now. Obviously you will have your own beliefs about things. It hurts, but I understand. But whatever you believe please accept my request. I need you all to clear out of here. It's dangerous to stay in the village and that's the truth." - Subaru

Again, he does not try to convince people. He's just like, hey if you stay in the village you're going to get slaughtered. I mean this is a lot more effective than arguing whether a half-elf is a witch. A good rule for persuasion is just to understand people's basic needs and tell them what they will lose if they don't follow you. Even better, tell them what they have to gain if they follow you. Make it simple and easy to understand. Dumb it down if you have to.

Once he has convinced the villagers, and they have evacuated, someone finds out that one of the carriages carrying Emilia and the kids has bombs in it. It turns one of the Witch Cultists was able to place it there in time. Well that's a problem. This will be one of the final tests to see if he is a real hero.

So he ends up on chasing down the carriage just in the nick of time before the bombs go off. He goes inside and while he is taking the bombs out of the carriage (which contains Emilia and the villagers)...

"Why Subaru?" - Emilia

"Cuz I love you, Emilia!" - Subaru

Perfect! It's Vulnerable, Non-needy, Authentic, and Selfless. A lot better than 'you owe me something.'

By putting other's needs before himself
By truly being vulnerable with himself and others
By truly understanding what other people want
And by delivering it all through self-sacrifice

He completes the hero's journey

At the end, he survives and gets the lap pillow. Now remember when we talked previous before about the different versions of being vulnerable? So he chooses to be vulnerable in the best way, with a smile on his face!

"Back then you asked me why I was doing all the things I was doing. Why I desperately tried to save you and why I always seemed to put in so much effort. You asked me why?" - Subaru

"Your answer confused me. You asked me because I saved you, but I haven't done anything like that at all. I've never been able to. It seems like you're the one who is always saving me. I could never do anything for you! And every time you get hurt and say that it was for my sake!" - Emilia

"No I was pretty messed up back then. I was only thinking about myself. I said it was all for you, but I really just liked the idea of doing it all for you. I had it in my head that if I just kept telling you that you'd accept it." - Subaru

"Subaru?" - Emilia

"I'm sorry. I used you for my own stupid self-satisfaction. All the things you said back there were true. Every word of it. I was just so wrong. But there was one thing I wasn't wrong about. I want to save you. I want to help you. I honestly mean that, it's not a lie." - Subaru

And because he is just honest and vulnerable straight up, she will be vulnerable right back. He will accept her vulnerabilities unconditionally which will eventually be reciprocated back when she feels comfortable doing so. But remember, he is only able to accept her vulnerabilities and insecurities because he is able to accept his own.

"I know that. Tell me. Why do you always rescue me?" - Emilia

"I do it because I love you. I want to stand beside you and be your strength" - Subaru

"Listen, I am a half-elf." - Emilia

"Yes I know that." - Subaru

"I'm a silver haired half-elf and so many people hate me because of no other reason than I look like the witch. They despise me. They absolutely detest me." - Emilia

"I saw, I know. Those guys are completely blind" - Subaru

"I don't have much experience with people, so I don't have friends. I am naïve and not worldly so I say strange things sometimes. And the reason I want to be the ruler of this kingdom is really really selifsh" - Emilia

"No matter what anyone else says about you, no matter what you happen to think about yourself, I love you with all my heart!" - Subaru

...Not because she owes him anything, but because he loves her and he hopes that she will too one day! That's all you need!

TLDR

If you're needy then you'll be selfish and you won't be able to consider other people's motivations and problems
In order to be non-needy you need to be honest and vulnerable with yourself
The best way to be vulnerable is with a smile on your face
This will allow you to become more self-aware and give you the necessary information you need to work on your own vulnerabilities (motivations and problems)
If you aren't able to work on your own problems then you won't be able to help others
To help others you can start by understanding their vulnerabilities (motivations and problems)
In order to truly understand people more you both need to understand each others vulnerabilities
To earn people's trust and respect you need to aim for win-win scenarios that benefits both you and them
If you want someone to do something for you then you must tie it somewhere in those win-win scenarios
To become a real hero, you need to truly self-sacrifice yourself for others in order to help others
It's not about being perfect all the time. That's false confidence. That's not real, that's fake. It's about accepting your vulnerabilities, accepting who you are and using those as the catalyst to better yourself and others around you. Because if everyone was perfect then why even get up in the morning? Why even try?

Summary

Eliminate needy behavior (Needy behavior makes you selfish)
Be honest and vulnerable with yourself and others (Identify your own problems and motivations)
Understand other people's vulnerabilities (Identify other peoples problems and motivations)
Use what you learned to benefit both yourself and others (Win-Win scenarios)